New website

Hello all,

Once again, I will apologize for not posting in a while. I have been busy though!

First, an update on MIUG: Thanks to my wonderful beta readers, I have been busily at work making edits and am now, I think, halfway through. I very much hope that I'll begin posting within the month. Keep your fingers crossed. 

Second, my other project: One of my goals has been to get my new website up so that by the time MIUG is ready, there's a nice-looking place for it to go. For my LJ readers, I am happy to say that is now live. I think I've caught all the major errors, but if you happen to come across a typo, or a page that leads to nowhere (or, sadly, doesn't make sense), please let me know!

Third, a few more apologies: One thing I have *not* managed to do lately is reply to comments and messages. I will try to get to those soon, I promise!

I hope you are all well!!!!!


It never rains...

O.k., yes. I realize that I didn't post anything for five months and here I am writing my second post in two days. I couldn't help it, though. Yesterday was such a major accomplishment for me but, because it was completely revolving around my fanfic, I can't really let anyone in my real life know how incredibly big it was. 

So, as you know if you read my post from yesterday, on Tuesday I finally finished the first draft of Mix It Up Good. I had actually finished writing it a couple of months ago, but, given that it took five years from start to finish, there were a lot of things that got picked up and then dropped and then picked up again. I needed to reread it at least once in order for it to make at least a little bit of sense. The rereading process took another couple of months, and it wasn't until Tuesday that I was able to finish inputting the edits and sending it off. Since I do expect there to be some pretty drastic changes, though, I do still consider it the first draft. 

Well, as I also said yesterday, the next thing was to deal with my website -- and I did! It took an hour dealing with Mindspring (well, now Earthlink) tech support -- which was spectacularly unhelpful, and then another twenty minutes of trying to figure it out on my own, and I was finally able to make the edits. (Yes, I know you already know this, but, well, two years this has been hanging over me. Two years.) Then, after getting that straightened out, I managed to figure out the web hosting service that I've actually been paying for for the last several years, and actually begin to play with it. And then, I managed to teach myself how to use CSS so that my website can actually look like something instead of just the awful looking text that it is now. This was thanks to a wonderful video tutorial that I came across (see if you'd like to take a look) -- I don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found that. Thank you people at Tutvid!

I realize that none of this is as exciting for you as it is for me, but I had to tell someone and you're it. 

I hope that your 2010 is starting out well!   

Happy 2010!

Wow, 2010 is here -- how is that possible?

My new year's resolution: post Mix It Up Good!

Yes, that's right, I am happy to report that I am finally -- FINALLY -- finished with the first draft. It's taken five long years (and clocks in at nearly 700 pages, 9 pt. type, although I think my pre-readers will have something to say about that!), but there is a complete draft signed, sealed, and delivered to my beta readers. Holy good lord, as my grandfather used to say.

My hope is that their edits will be minimal. (Yes, I said my hope. The reality is that there will probably be quite a few edits.) But, that said, I am optimistic that they'll be manageable enough for me to start posting the story within the next few months.

A note for those of you who have stuck with me all this time: I am working on building a website at:

My major fanfic goal was to actually finish the first draft of MIUG. Now that that's done, however, goal #2 is to straighten out my website issues (like, for example, the fact that I was unable to make edits to my current website up until about 10 minutes ago; that was a TWO YEAR problem that I am happy to say is now solved). So, watch here and at the current site for info as to when everything will be moved over.

Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through this time. I'm looking forward to bringing you the new story soon!

:) Hux

(no subject)

My head is exploding. I'm watching an old episode of Castle (was holding them in reserve - a nice treat for the summer!) and there, right in front of me, is Bailey Chase. Acting in a scene with Nathan Fillion. (Since it's just the first scene, I'm presuming there will be at least several more, especially as he's guesting in the next ep as well.) I always wonder how these things go -- do you think they talk about Joss Whedon a lot? Their experiences on Buffy? I would assume yes, of course. But, you know, I still wonder.

Given my Riley-obsession, I'd also like to think that they share a moment of What Could Have Been. I mean, doesn't everyone? As far as I'm concerned, for as much as I love Nathan Fillion, his career seemed to be in a bit of a stall (hello, Two Guys, A Girl, and A Pizza Palace, or whatever that show was called) before Serenity. And as I'm sure you've all heard me say before, I think Mal is the evolution of Riley, so without Riley, Mal wouldn't have existed, and Nathan Fillion wouldn't have had new life breathed into his career.

And, well, even though Bailey Chase does seem to have worked quite consistently, for me, it all starts with Graham. Which is partly why my head is exploding -- if you've read Butterfly Ops then you know where Graham is at this very second. Right here in Boston. Uh-huh. So on Castle, with Bailey Chase's character just returning to NYC from Boston? Well, it's a bit too much for me to process. Because if they had him in Boston, and I have him in Boston, as far as I'm concerned, he really is in Boston. Case closed. I know, right? Perfect.

O.k. Yes, I'm a bit delusional. This is the problem when I'm still living in Riley's head all these years later.

And speaking of Riley's head, that would also be the head of one Marc Blucas. WHO JUST GOT MARRIED. To Christian Slater's ex-wife. Christian Slater, who was a secret agent (until his show got cancelled), JUST LIKE RILEY. Oh, my goodness. I just can't compute. Me = dynamite. Or C4. Or whatever it is that actual secret agents use.

Alright. Now that I've gotten all that out of my head, I can continue with my head. But first I'll leave you a few links, in case you're interested in seeing some of the articles about his wedding.

From Erie Times-News, July 17: "Wedding Bells for Ex-Girard Basketball Star Blucas"

From 'Celebrity Bride Guide,' July 21: "'Buffy' Star Marc Blucas to Marry Ryan Haddon"

From Erie Times-News, July 30: "Celeb Guests Toast Blucas"

Many congratulations to the happy couple.

My website

FYI - I am having some issues with my website. Haven't been able to update for awhile, and haven't decided if it's worth it to keep paying the money for the holding pattern. If it does disappear, check back here as I'll most likely be transferring over to a new domain name.

I hope you're all doing well!


Boy, was it good to see Marc Blucas in something new. I wasn't a huge fan of the hair, and the show itself -- Eleventh Hour, as if you didn't know -- wasn't nearly as good as House is, but I hadn't realized how badly I wanted to see him again. And, happily, he didn't let me down.

The character played to his strengths -- alpha male turned on by stronger woman; subtext of bigger issues playing out in his eyes; hint of laughter in the background at just the right times. Unfortunately, he didn't get as much air time as I would have liked. That was bad both because, well, I wanted to see him on air more, but also because the two actual main characters weren't really that enjoyable to watch to begin with. So unlike House, where I had an interest in the story that was going on around him, here I just perked up when he was onscreen, and pretty much did other things when he wasn't.

I am quite pleased that CBS decided to go ahead and air this episode first since I'm pretty sure the show won't last too long. I can be quite forgiving of bad TV shows, but this was painful even for me to watch. I won't go into a full review -- Television Without Pity did a much better job than I ever could (see -- suffice it to say, however, that I won't be going out of my way to see further episodes now that MB's ep has aired. I have a feeling I'll be enjoying Life On Mars much more.


On another note, I was just watching an episode of Bones and the head Dr. (I can't ever remember her name, but it's not Bones herself), said something that I thought was funny so I wrote it down.

"Have you considered Prozac, Mr. Fisher? ... Then double your dose, 'cause you're bringing me down. And that's hard to do because I've worked with death for years and you're making it all look like good times now. So get it together, o.k., Eeyore?"

O.k. So it doesn't look quite as funny there as it was in the actual telling of it. The actress delivered the line perfectly.


Casting notes

In case anyone was wondering, the actor who was in my mind while I was creating the character of Brooks (in Celestial Light/Butterfly Ops)-- Jason O'Mara -- is in one of this fall's new shows: Life on Mars. The homepage for the series on the ABC website doesn't appear to be working -- there's just a big white square in the middle of the page where a picture should be -- but the actor bio page is. Check it out at:

(He's also front and center in the print advertisements that seem to be plastered everywhere.)

Speaking of fall shows, we all know that Marc Blucas is in what's supposed to be the first episode of Eleventh Hour (but that I think may have been postponed until later in the season -- we unfortunately still have a week before we know for sure). I did also want to note that I just watched this week's episode of The Mentalist, and, in the preview for an upcoming episode, there was an actor who looked incredibly like MB. Now, he was dressed as a kind of crazy homeless person and only onscreen for about three seconds, so it's highly unlikely that that's who it actually was; even my Marc Blucas radar isn't that good. Plus, to give full disclosure, there's no mention of it on his IMDB site. I will, however, definitely be keeping an eye out for that episode and thought I'd mention it here in case you'd like to do the same.

Two in one day

O.k., yes. So I needed a break today -- loooonnnngggg day -- and what better to do than post here?

Well, o.k. The better thing to do would be writing. I hear ya. But I've been plugging away of late and my brain needs a little more time to let things gel a bit. Whenever I'm gelling, I go trolling. Today's find was a picture of Marc Blucas and Tim Duncan at the "Meet Dave" premiere. MB is looking a little scruffy -- you all know how I'm not a fan of that look -- but I was quite happy to see him with TD. In the picture, it looks like he's introducing TD to Gabrielle Union. Check it out at:,27754.html?id_document=95407#documents_portfolio

Yes, I realize I am not Marc Blucas' mom. At the same time, I'm proud as punch (Did I just say that? Yes. Yes, I did.) to see him with his friend. I always read in the interviews about how they played together and, of course, about their friendship. It was nice to see this picture of the two of them live and in color (so to speak).

In other news... I'm still going back and forth on "Eleventh Hour." It's the haircut, and the scruffyness, and, well, the dialogue. (And I'm not so sure how I feel about Rufus Sewell or however you spell his name.) But then I think about seeing my boy in something new and, well, I do have to be honest. I swoon a bit.

Not as much as I swoon when thinking about seeing him in Animals. Are we ever going to see him in Animals???? The new Stuntmen movie is a bit concerning to me. I'm not always a fan of his over-the-top stuff. (I'm sorry. That's blasphemy; I know.) And, to be honest, I don't love the horror stuff. I do like his dark side, though, so I'm thinking that Deadline might appeal to me. I guess we'll just have to see. If it ever comes out, of course.

On another note entirely...

So, as you all know, I've been dabbling with the idea of writing an actual non-Buffy book some day. And when I write my book, it will have a vampire tie-in, of course. For the last two years, I've been trying to come up with my main characters' names. Finally -- finally -- after all this time, I decided on the perfect names for my couple. I literally decided this driving home from a friend's wedding on July 13. Jason and Belle -- is that not the best?

Well, yes, apparently. As you know if you're a reader of the Twilight series -- which I'm not, BTW -- there's a bit of a love triangle going on. And two of the three trianglees are, (sad, tragic) drumroll please... Jacob and Bella. This I found out several days after my wonderful happy time when I read the cover story in Entertainment Weekly. Sigh. Back to the drawing (writing) board.

Ficlet: Michaela Rose

I don't mean to get anyone's hopes up that this is a new fic, but it recently came to my attention that the only place this got posted was on one of the Buffy/Riley lists. In order to make up for that, I thought I'd go ahead and post it here as well. Note: this was written in July '06. If you haven't already seen it, I hope you enjoy. (And if you have, I hope you enjoy it again. :) )

Title: Michaela Rose

Author: Alexandra Huxley

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Vague spoilers through season 5; in my head
it takes place at least several years after Season 6.

Disclaimer: Story and original characters are mine,
everything else belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy,
and a lot of other people who aren't me.
Distribution: If you'd like to post it or post a link
to my site, please ask.

Author's Note: This ficlet popped into my head
as DH and I were driving down a NJ highway. I
tried to let it go, but it kept demanding my attention
and kept intruding in the scene I am writing for MIUG.
It has nothing to do with MIUG and, in fact, takes
place in another time entirely, although I'm not
really sure when. So, rather than try to fit it
somewhere it absolutely doesn't belong, I figured I'd
just get it down on paper and share it here.

Feedback: Appreciated, as always. Send to


It felt like they'd been driving for days. Iowa was like that.

Riley usually liked it. In fact, he'd picked the motel because of the forty-five minute drive from the homestead. That plus the fact that they were driving a thirty-year- old pick-up with a radio that hadn't worked since the day Grandpa drove it off the used car lot, and, well, Riley had figured it would prompt Buffy to talk. Instead, it was just another void that she didn't seem to want to fill.

No -- take that back. 'Want' was too strong a word. It was more that she didn't care to. Didn't care to do much of anything lately.

He stole a sideways glance. Riley sometimes wished that she weren't quite so beautiful. Every time he worked the nerve up to say something, he found that she just took his breath away, blinding him with her shining hair and gleaming eyes no matter how dark the night. It used to be that she'd catch him looking and not let him go. Now she just-

He snapped his head back when his eyes unexpectedly met hers. "Sorry. I didn't mean to, uh..." Completely frozen in place, his attempt at conversation fizzled.

God, Riley, you're pathetic. The first time she'd shown any life since before it happened and you blow it. What an idiot. What a fucking-

"You can talk to me, you know," she said, twisting her body so that she was facing him. "I'm still Buffy inside; it's just the baby that's gone." Her hands went to her stomach -- she still did that occasionally -- and the veil came over her eyes again. She turned her back to him and looked out the window; her forehead touched the glass. "It's just the baby that's gone," she repeated quietly.

Instinctively, he reached his hand toward her and then immediately pulled it back. She'd let him touch her once in the two months since that night and then spent hours crying afterward. The crying he could take; the flinching when he tried to comfort her, however...


He looked up in time to slam on the brakes and avoid hitting the dog that had darted out into the middle of the road. This time when his hand went to Buffy it stayed there -- or, at least, it did until the truck had shuddered to a stop and he realized where it was resting: right on top of Buffy's hands, which were, in turn, clutching even more tightly now at where the baby had been.

The flinch he'd become used to had been replaced by a jolt of lightning strong enough to fuse their hands together. Stronger, almost, than the one he'd felt the first time they'd kissed. And that was pretty strong. "Buffy..." he said at the same moment she leaned forward and whispered his name.

The moment was interrupted by a strident horn that turned out to be attached to a 16-wheeler -- one suddenly taking up a whole lot of the rearview mirror. There wasn't even time to swear. With a yank of the wheel, Riley got them off the road. Another split second or two and the semi would have clipped them. Well, fuck. That had been close. Really, really close. Kind of ironic in a way -- Buffy had spent a lifetime at death's door and what was it that had almost gotten her killed? An idiotic boyfriend so afraid of being reamed up the ass that he was too stupid to look over his shoulder once in awhile.

After the dust cloud had settled and he'd mostly stopped shaking, Riley muttered, "There you go. Shows exactly how much I'd suck at being a father anyway."

Buffy didn't seem to see it that way. Her head went back to the window and she dully stared outside. "Well, hey," she mumbled. "At least you didn't actually kill us. For that you'd have to count on me."

It was another one of those moments where he had absolutely no clue as to what he was supposed to do or say. He certainly wasn't about to agree with her, but as he'd learned pretty early on, reassuring words weren't welcome either. If the flinches weren't enough to make that clear, there were the late night trips to the bathroom. The ones where she waited until she thought he was asleep to leave their bed and then wept for hours behind the locked door.

Feeling inadequate as usual, he looked at his hands, now squarely set on the steering wheel. This trip had been a mistake. If it hadn't been planned way back before Christmas, he wouldn't even have thought twice about bailing. Buffy had said she wanted to go, though -- "It's supposed to be like Heaven, right? I mean, 4th of July in Huxley, USA. What could be better than that?" -- so he had booked the tickets and reserved a whole week at the motel. The only saving grace he could see was that he hadn't told anyone about the baby. Then again, that sucked too, since he'd spent the entire afternoon watching his nieces and nephews play at the picnic, all the while thinking how he'd expected to be making an announcement today. Not the one his mom wanted, but close enough. She'd made it highly clear how much she wanted more grandkids; he figured she'd have been able to live with the unplanned, out-of-wedlock thing once she got over the shock. Might have to miss a few Jaycees meetings, though.

"Who's Michaela Rose?" Buffy asked.

Startled, Riley turned to her. It was the first time she'd initiated a conversation in weeks, maybe months. "What?"

"Michaela Rose. You say her name at night," Buffy answered, looking down at her hands. They'd moved from stomach to lap. Someone who didn't know her would say she sounded meek; Riley knew better. There was steel was in her voice. It came out a little clearer when she coldly added, "What does she do to make you cry?"

Riley stared at her. She thought he was cheating on her -- either for sex or for blood, didn't matter which. She was so off-base that he actually laughed.

Big mistake, of course. She glared at him and then turned around, pushing the door open with enough force that she may have broken it. She was out of the truck before he could call her name; out of the truck and swiftly walking away.

Shit. "Buffy!" He jumped out of the truck and ran after her. Reaching her, he grabbed her arm. "It isn't like that."

Yanking her arm away, Buffy just kept walking. "That's what you said the last time."

Right. Nice to have the benefit of the doubt after all this time. Fine. She wanted an explanation? "She had blonde hair, just like you."

Buffy's wrapped her arms around her body, sniffling loudly as she kept up her pace.

"Wore it in long braids, though, with purple ribbons."

That made Buffy slow down a little, although she didn't quite stop.

"Would have kicked every boy's ass from L.A. to Iowa, whether she got her mom's superpowers or not."

When Buffy turned around, she was still holding herself tightly and her head was ducked down. She also, however, had the first genuine smile on her face that Riley had seen in months. Though it was tinged with sadness, he found it radiant enough that speaking would be an issue if he had to do it anytime soon. And the laugh in her voice, well, it hit him hard, spreading warmth throughout his whole being. He was grateful for the feeling; enough so that he almost missed what it was she was actually saying: "You can't name a baby Mickey Finn. That would be a horrible thing to do."

Still basking, it took him a second or two to refocus. "Um..." Mickey Finn. Horrible thing. Oh, right. Not that he disagreed, but, to be honest, he hadn't thought it would be a problem. Truth was, "I figured you didn't really want to marry me. So, you know..." He shrugged. "Mickey Summers isn't really that bad."

Her face turned sad again, although this time the bitterness that seemed to have taken up permanent residence was gone. In its place was anger -- red, hot, and searing as she caustically said, "That's the kind of decision you don't get to make alone." She started advancing toward him and, like any man who knew what was good for him, he started retreating. He stopped only when his back hit the truck, leaving his chest wide open to the somewhat painful jab from her finger as she snapped, "We're supposed to talk about it. I'm supposed to get to answer."

No. No way. She didn't get to be mad at him. Not about this. He grabbed her wrist. "I wanted to. I asked you not to go out patrolling that night." He heard himself yelling -- heard the frustration and hurt and devastation from the last two months come out in his words no matter how much he tried to contain it. He was even holding her so tightly that there was a red mark on her skin. Letting go, he looked down at the ground. "You said no. You didn't even want to discuss it."

Rather than try to defend herself, her hands fell to her sides. "That's why you wanted me to stay home? It wasn't because...?" Her arms went back around herself and she starting trembling -- no, shaking. "I thought..." She emitted a sound that started out as a sob but ended as a laugh.

Great. Another reaction he had no idea what to do with. He may have -- reluctantly -- accepted she didn't want his comfort, but he sure as hell wasn't quite ready to join in on the laughter. Not until she'd at least given him a sense of what was so funny. "Maybe you want to let me in on the joke?"

"No," she answered, although it was so quiet it seemed to be mostly directed inward. "I really don't."

Seriously? Folding his arms across his chest, Riley set his gaze over her shoulder. Some town -- too nearby to be Huxley, wrong direction for it to be Ames -- had its fireworks display going, lighting up the sky. "I'll tell you what. You take all the time you need. I'll be in the truck if you decide you want company." He knew it wasn't the most mature of things to do, but honestly, spending two months as the strong, solid, I'll-be-there-when-you-need-me presence hadn't exactly been an overwhelming success either.

He was being a complete and utter jackass; this was clear even to him by the time he was halfway to the cab. By that point he had kind of committed though, and it felt even worse to turn around and go back. He did manage not to slam the door at least. Leaning his head back against the window, he took a deep breath.

It was my baby too.

He knew how juvenile, even petulant, that sounded and yet he couldn't deny it was a pretty dominant train of thought of late.

Knowing this had probably been his only chance certainly didn't do anything to help. If it hadn't been for the complete failure of their birth control, Buffy wouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place. Despite her obvious sorrow -- or maybe because of it -- he wasn't sure she'd ever want to try again. And no matter how doomed this relationship was and continued to be, he couldn't see himself ever moving beyond it. Every time he tried, he found himself wandering back. He figured this was what his life was meant to be; hoped that when she finally ended it once and for all, he'd somehow manage to find his way. Having something to live for -- a little girl or boy to brighten up the day, well...

It was my baby too.

Riley reached into the glove compartment. The good thing about borrowing Grandpa's truck was there was always a bottle of J.D. stashed within reach. Opening the passenger door just as he was straightening up, Buffy caught him in the act. She didn't seem to notice what he was doing, however; instead she picked up the conversation right where it had been left off, saying, "I thought you didn't want me to go out that night because you were afraid I'd hurt the baby. And then..." She looked away as her eyes filled up with tears again. "I thought you thought it was my fault. I figured you spent the last two months hating me as much as I hated myself."

Oh. Well that did put a different light on things; he could kind of see where the laughter had come from. He felt a bit of hysteria coming on himself; relief didn't even begin to describe it. For the first time in months he tentatively reached out his hand thinking she might actually take it. "You thought wrong."

Flashing a smile that seemed without any shadow at all, she said, "Yeah. Seems like." She reached over and laced her fingers through his, staring down as though she'd never seen a pair of hands entwined in such a way. When she looked up, though, it was with perfect clarity. "Here's a hint, though: there were some things you thought wrong about too."

He looked at her; the only thought he remembered saying much about was the one revolving around her not wanting to marry him. And if he was wrong about that, then it meant...

Letting go of him, she said, "Next time you ask me to stay home, I will." She climbed up into the truck and settled into the seat. Holding her hand out -- for the bottle this time -- she added, "At least there are some good things about not being pregnant anymore."

He gave her the J.D. and watched as she took a swig. She winced as she swallowed and coughed a bit, but she took a second swig and then, after a minute, a third. "It doesn't get any better, does it?"

Taking the bottle back, Riley wasn't sure if she was talking about the whiskey or, well, everything else. "I don't know." Deciding on the latter, he said, "I guess that's up to us." He took a swig of his own and closed his eyes as the bitter liquid burned its way down his throat.

There was a crackling above as the sky in front of them lit up. A yellow rocket exploded into a thousand specks of red, white, and blue. All of a sudden, Buffy's hand closed over Riley's, causing his heart to skip a beat as the next round of crackling lit him up on the inside. Her fingers laced through his around the bottle, she lifted it above their heads. Voice breaking, she said, "To Michaela Rose."

She moved across the seat and was hovering over him, her hair backlit by the fireworks in the sky. With his free hand he took her by the waist, pulling her to him. Her kiss was sent from heaven; a thousand fireworks set off in his head. He could taste the hint of whiskey and the salt of her tears. Looking into her eyes, he saw not just the future as it would have been, but the future as it was yet to be. And, yeah, it made him cry, too. "To Michaela Rose."



I realize that nobody believes this, but I have been working quite intensely on Mix It Up Good. I've come to realize something though -- when I'm writing from Buffy's or Riley's POV, I have absolutely no problems. The words flow out of me so fast that my fingers on the keyboard can barely keep up. As in Butterfly Ops, though, I've added a third voice. And whenever I write those scenes, they just draaaaaagggggggg. It's not that I dislike them -- I think they're actually pretty good and add something important -- but a) when the character is confronting some difficult things, I almost can't put myself in that place, b) I so much want to be with Buffy and/or Riley that I can't wait to get back to them, so not being with them is just so friggin' hard, and c) I get distracted by what present-day Riley would be going through right now. (Over the past two months I've spent Mother's Day, Memorial Day, and a dance recital partly in his head.)

So anyway, I'm in one of those chapters and it's taken me at least a week to write the first sentence. Now I have to write sentences two and three. Maybe if I force myself to do that, I can at least move it forward. Sigh.